Short funny quotes

# "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
Short and funny quote by, Homer J Simpson.


# "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"
Short funny quotes, Unknown.


# "I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor


# "I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
Short and funny quotes, Rodney Dangerfield


# "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world," Calvin.


# "Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?" Hobbes.
Short and funny quotes, Calvin and Hobbes.


# "Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."
Short and funny quote by, Clifton Fadiman.


# "Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
Short Funny Quote by, John Peers.


# "You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough."
- Short and funny quote by, Pearl Williams.


# "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."
Short and funny quote by, Lyndon B. Johnson.


# "He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants."
Short and funny quote by, Chuck Tanner.