Short Funny Quotes
"I can resist everything except temptation."
Short funny quotes, Oscar Wilde.
"There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money."
Short funny quotes, Franklin.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times."
Short funny quotes, Mark Twain.
"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
Short funny quotes, David Friedman.
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."
Short funny quotes, George Bush.
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
Short funny quotes, Noelie Altito.
"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
Short funny quotes, Ken Dodd.
"One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool"
Short funny quotes, Edgar Watson Howe.
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
Short funny quotes, Paul Getty.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Short Funny Quotes
Short Funny Quotes
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning."
Short funny quotes, Anonymous.
"Half of the people in the world are below average."
Short funny quotes, Anonymous.
"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!"
Short and funny quotes, Yogi Berra.
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,"
Short and funny quotes, Calvin.
"Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?" Hobbes.
Short and funny quotes, Calvin and Hobbes.
"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Short and funny quotes, Rodney Dangerfield
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed."
Short and funny quotes, Albert Einstein
"Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important."
Short and funny quotes, Lisa Hoffman.
"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."
Short and funny quotes, Anonymous.
"A rich man's joke is always funny."
Short and funny quotes, Proverb.
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
Short and funny quotes, Winston Churchill.
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning."
Short funny quotes, Anonymous.
"Half of the people in the world are below average."
Short funny quotes, Anonymous.
"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!"
Short and funny quotes, Yogi Berra.
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,"
Short and funny quotes, Calvin.
"Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?" Hobbes.
Short and funny quotes, Calvin and Hobbes.
"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Short and funny quotes, Rodney Dangerfield
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed."
Short and funny quotes, Albert Einstein
"Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important."
Short and funny quotes, Lisa Hoffman.
"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."
Short and funny quotes, Anonymous.
"A rich man's joke is always funny."
Short and funny quotes, Proverb.
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
Short and funny quotes, Winston Churchill.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Short Funny Quotes
Short Funny Quotes
"I can resist everything except temptation."
Short funny quotes, Oscar Wilde.
"There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money."
Short funny quotes, Franklin.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times."
Short funny quotes, Mark Twain.
"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
Short funny quotes, David Friedman.
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."
Short funny quotes, George Bush.
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
Short funny quotes, Noelie Altito.
"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
Short funny quotes, Ken Dodd.
"One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool"
Short funny quotes, Edgar Watson Howe.
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
Short funny quotes, Paul Getty.
"I can resist everything except temptation."
Short funny quotes, Oscar Wilde.
"There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money."
Short funny quotes, Franklin.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times."
Short funny quotes, Mark Twain.
"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
Short funny quotes, David Friedman.
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."
Short funny quotes, George Bush.
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
Short funny quotes, Noelie Altito.
"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
Short funny quotes, Ken Dodd.
"One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool"
Short funny quotes, Edgar Watson Howe.
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
Short funny quotes, Paul Getty.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Short Funny Quotes
Short Funny Quotes
"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot"
Short Funny Quote by, Unkown.
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"Lifes Tough, get a helmet!"
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."
Short Funny Quote by, Dilbert.
"Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the local sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap."
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous member of a chain gang.
"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!"
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent."
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous.
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
Short Funny Quote by, Whitney Brown.
"Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one."
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous.
"Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom."
Short Funny Quote by, Rodney Dangerfield.
"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot"
Short Funny Quote by, Unkown.
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"Lifes Tough, get a helmet!"
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."
Short Funny Quote by, Dilbert.
"Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the local sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap."
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous member of a chain gang.
"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!"
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent."
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous.
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
Short Funny Quote by, Whitney Brown.
"Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one."
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous.
"Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom."
Short Funny Quote by, Rodney Dangerfield.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Short funny quotes
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
Short funny quotes by, Bob Hope
"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."
Short funny quotes by, Ronald Reagan
"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Short funny quotes by, Dean Martin
"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."
Short funny quotes by, Tommy Lasorda
"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."
Short funny quotes by, Jim Wohford
"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." - after being told he looked cool.
Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra
"I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" -Homer J. Simpson Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Short funny quotes by, Bill Cosby
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein
Short funny quotes by, Bob Hope
"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."
Short funny quotes by, Ronald Reagan
"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Short funny quotes by, Dean Martin
"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."
Short funny quotes by, Tommy Lasorda
"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."
Short funny quotes by, Jim Wohford
"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." - after being told he looked cool.
Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra
"I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" -Homer J. Simpson Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Short funny quotes by, Bill Cosby
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein
Monday, January 11, 2010
Short funny quotes
# "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
Short and funny quote by, Homer J Simpson.
# "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
# "I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor
# "I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
Short and funny quotes, Rodney Dangerfield
# "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world," Calvin.
# "Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?" Hobbes.
Short and funny quotes, Calvin and Hobbes.
# "Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."
Short and funny quote by, Clifton Fadiman.
# "Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
Short Funny Quote by, John Peers.
# "You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough."
- Short and funny quote by, Pearl Williams.
# "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."
Short and funny quote by, Lyndon B. Johnson.
# "He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants."
Short and funny quote by, Chuck Tanner.
Short and funny quote by, Homer J Simpson.
# "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
# "I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor
# "I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
Short and funny quotes, Rodney Dangerfield
# "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world," Calvin.
# "Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?" Hobbes.
Short and funny quotes, Calvin and Hobbes.
# "Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."
Short and funny quote by, Clifton Fadiman.
# "Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
Short Funny Quote by, John Peers.
# "You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough."
- Short and funny quote by, Pearl Williams.
# "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."
Short and funny quote by, Lyndon B. Johnson.
# "He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants."
Short and funny quote by, Chuck Tanner.
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